Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
