Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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