Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
