Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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