Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
