probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
