They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
