i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
