Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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