Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
