Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize