I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
soo... how was my night?
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