Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
