My friends, they love my intelligence
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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