It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
