Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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