woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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