I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
