Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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