woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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