Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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