I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
