and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
