I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize