Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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