the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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