i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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