why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
