and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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