the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
