moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
