I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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