i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
