there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
