I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
