On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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