Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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