Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
