Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
