bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
