My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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