I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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