One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
