oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize