i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
