these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
