Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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