It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
