At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
