I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
