You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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