6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
