You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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