My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
