I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize