Screwed.edu
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I need a beard to bite.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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