I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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