He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
