Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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