I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
