I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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