i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
