so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize